so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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