When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
