i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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