Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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