I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The adults are the big ones right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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