6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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