If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
