he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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