nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
