The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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