What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
