I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
