I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
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I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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