Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
