six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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