He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
