She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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