I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
