the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
