saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
