just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
