Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
