i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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