Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
