Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
