You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
