he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
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i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
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I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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