They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
