It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
