At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
