I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
