Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
