thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
