I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
