I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
