If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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