You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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