she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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