We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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