My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
