She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
