Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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