Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize