There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
