I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
