i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
