3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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