I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
