What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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