stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
