so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
