this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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