I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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