Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
