I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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