so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
