I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
