That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
