Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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