I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
