we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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