do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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