Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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