I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
