I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
