Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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