Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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