Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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