This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize