So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
