I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
