You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is my gift to your gina
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
