I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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