I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
